Narcissist by Caroline Middleditch © CM

A narcissist will take you on a hideous journey into the abyss. Down, down, rapidly down into the deepest darkest place you’ve ever been. It’s all part of the plan, of this intense charming man.
From that moment when he tucks your hair behind your ear, you’re sent the message loud and clear. It’ll be fast love. You see he’s in a race that you know nothing of; the race to control you before the mask falls off.
He’s done the same hair tuck for a hundred or more before. But you won’t know that yet. He’ll make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world as he looks right into your soul and your heart is unfurled. He’s calculated and precise, he knows what works, he doesn’t have to ask twice.
He’ll move at a million miles an hour. There’ll be excited talk of weddings and hands tenderly placed on as he gushes about babies he’ll put in your belly. Means to an end for this Machiavelli.
He’ll openly boast in front of his friends, (of which there won’t be many) that you are what a woman should be, you are just wonderful, can’t they see? Before you know it, you’ll be losing weight because your nerves will invite you to push your food around your plate. And he will notice and re-affirm with cunning that perhaps you should also take up running.
You’ll be swept along but deep down inside you will already know he has something to hide. As soon as he realises the penny has dropped, RUN! Run, run as fast as you can because this is not kind-hearted man.
He’ll be charming, yes, for all to see. But behind closed doors you won’t be perfect anymore. There will be flaws that he has begun to highlight, and you’ll swallow them down, you don’t want to fight. He knows you don’t that’s why you were chosen. Your extra warmth is what allows him to be frozen.
And should you be brave and decide to challenge one day, he’ll gently brush your cheek and say, ‘I’m sorry, but you made me do it’. You see he has a box of tricks that he pulls out when he needs to fix, the mess he’s made. They include loneliness, emptiness and confusion because by this time there’s been exclusion. Exclusion of the ones you trust. Run to them now. You must, you MUST!
But you won’t, you can’t, you’re not ready yet. He doesn’t charm you now but still, you’ve invested so much, and you still have blood. For he’s a vampire of sorts and he won’t be content until he’s controlled your thoughts. He revels in being able to manipulate your very move and of course he’ll constantly disapprove. Of where you go and what you wear and oh my god if you so much as dare, to raise your eyes to another man – run, run, as fast as you can!
He’s all about the double standards bullies always are. He’ll find your insecurities and he will rage, rage against them until you think you have lost your mind. But worse than that he’ll demand and command and without needing to raise a hand, you WILL hit the floor. Now, NOW is the time to run for the door.
But you don’t because you’ll just try once more, and he knows.
He’ll build you up and tear you down, exploit your goodness with a thorny crown. He’ll distort the facts to suit his lies and cheat and disrespect and when he’s bored he’ll despise… the fact that you let him to do this.
Then one day when you least expect it, the switch will flick, if you’re lucky. And you’ll leave. You’ll leave a torment, a misery, a scourge and going forward you will urge, others to leave too. He won’t like it. He’ll feel threatened and lost as he can be, but his tantrums won’t matter with no-one to see.
But be prepared because he’ll do one of two things…
He’ll either have another waiting in the wings (as they often do), or he’ll pursue without relent. But don’t give in because you’ll soon find out, this is just a ploy to win you back until HE decides to launch his attack.
When he is happy that the time is right, he’ll take great pleasure in telling you that he doesn’t love you, he never did. He’ll say you’re boring and he’ll walk into the arms of his next adoring victim.
But here’s the thing. You don’t need to be a victim. Rewind. Jump back two paragraphs and leave him, shunned. Flick the switch and he’ll be stunned. Stunned you found your inner roar, stunned that he’s the one on the floor. Just walk away and in time you will see, everything you’re meant to be.


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